The Ajarn Night Shift

**russellsimpson** · 27th October 2011 00:02

Morning Pants.

I thought you was off to the land of Comrade Mao today?

**Mr Pants** · 27th October 2011 00:05

My flight's in 10 hours. Most of the day has been spent waiting to see if my visa would be processed at the embassy. It was. Not the nightmare I imagined it would be.

**Anna Key** · 27th October 2011 00:06

"Ding-Ding!"

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the AF Night Shift...yeeeesssssss.

**cluezo** · 27th October 2011 00:13

Say baby, what be the happs?

**russellsimpson** · 27th October 2011 00:17

.....calling Comrade Anna aside for an "off the record discussion"

....(.reports that she may have again been seen late last night in a certain bar complaining about the quality of the French fries.... With the anti-social fellow all decked out in military fatigue) ...

.....
we've discussed this before comrade.

**Mr Pants** · 27th October 2011 00:18

For you, Tammy, the war is over?

**Anna Key** · 27th October 2011 00:29

You got me bang to rights, Russ. It was me. We were just doing a recce of the premises though. Nothing too sinister.

I need to have a seat facing the entrance and a solid wall behind me.

If it all goes tits up, then you'll hear, "Burn, burn, burn." in your earpiece. Exit via kitchen, okay? If any hippies get in your way, well, you know your options...it's either them, or tofu. Nobody likes tofu.

**russellsimpson** · 27th October 2011 00:44

"Tis true Anna.

Tofu...now there, gentlemen, is a true garnish

**Anna Key** · 27th October 2011 00:58

Tofu is just so weird. I know people that actually like it. Seriously. "Mmmm, tofu", they say. These are normal people. And yet, they eat tofu.

Life is so much about making room for freaks like that. Nice people, with tofu.

It's weird, I don't get it, but live and let live I suppose.

(Russ - I am simulating a normal conversation about - fuck knows, tofu? - but see that guy that just came in? 10 o'clock to me. See him? Yeah? That's William Blake, I will bet you money on it. That's him. Shhh...look casual. He's coming over.)

But I've heard it's a really alternative to meat. Loads of protein. You can even use it like haloummi on a kebab.

(That was too fucking close, Russ. Don't worry. He doesn't suspect a thing. Just act normal.)

**happynz** · 27th October 2011 01:02

From my perch in the GMT+12, visiting this thread is a bit like the cleaner who comes in around dawn to mop up the joint and sees a few of the dedicated still positioned on their stools rockin' and riffin'.

Cool.

**russellsimpson** · 27th October 2011 01:07

Well Anna...I share a large house with a couple of folks who have Tofu everynight.

I've tried cooking it.

No luck.

---Update---

Originally Posted by Anna Key

William Blake, I will bet you money on it. That's him. Shhh...look casual. He's coming over.)

I have not heard of such a man, Caesar.

What are the charges?

**Anna Key** · 27th October 2011 01:10

Originally Posted by russellsimpson

No luck.

Exactly. What kind of food requires luck anyway?

I suppose souffles require a degree of good fortune but...shhhhhh..

That young man in the corner near the door? The one doing the really difficult jig-saw puzzle? That's Fleabag. Apparently, or so the story goes, he took a job at a school in Isaan a year ago. It drove him mad. Completely mad. So now, all he does all day is rock backwards and forwards and completes jigsaw puzzles.

Give him a wave.

Hello, Fleabag! How are you? Okay?

Yeah, he dribbles a lot these days, but look on the bright side; it keep his airway clear. See? He's happy. Wave again.

Very good, Flea!

**russellsimpson** · 27th October 2011 01:10

.....

It's fuckin' pagan idolatry. Look around you. Shit! He's loco... I ain't afraid of all them fuckin' skulls and altars and shit. I used to think if I died in an evil place, then my soul wouldn't be able to make it to Heaven. But now? Fuck! I mean, I don't care where it goes, as long as it ain't here. So whaddya wanna do? I'll kill the fuck.

....

**Anna Key** · 27th October 2011 01:24

The feeling will pass, Russ. Breathe in and out nice and evenly.

Okay now? Breathe in: 1-2-3-4 and hold. 2-3-4: breathe out.

See?

How many fingers am I holding up, Russ? How many? Sure? Excellent. You're fine.

Okay - now when we walk out from here, remember, no-one is looking at you. Everything is cool. Just smile. I swear, just get back to the bar and you'll be 100%. It's just natural paranoia.

Ready? Ok (leaves toilets with Russ)

Nice jigsaw, Fleabag! It's a doggie, yes. Well done!

Walk straight, Russ. Please. 20 more steps.

**Fleabag** · 27th October 2011 01:30

So tomorrow I have to meet the parents and help interview a couple of potential English teachers, thus soon I must kowtow to the day shift and pretend to be one of them.

Anyway, my thought for tonight is about food poisoning. By the second time I realised it has it's own particular smell. This will be an important observation for the third time whenever that happens, reason being that even when the cramps are gone you know you still have a little evacuation ahead, but that it's more or less done with.

Now you might point to consistency but here's the rub: this is Thailand and consistency is less of a sign here unless you are a very boring eater.

And don't think being a boring eater can save you either: sure it was because of the rats the first time but the second time was from a sarnie at the airport.

Yeah it's definately time for the guy with the mop... I guess that'll be me getting my coat then. Sorry about the mess.

PS. In the end me and me co-teacher were doing most of the jigsaw until Mickey knocked it all over. It was one of those all that work and I didn't react at all moments.