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Thread: Peer Group Pressure

  1. #1
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    Peer Group Pressure

    I find the biggest problem facing me trying to raise my daughter is peer group pressure.
    For example, next week her school class are going on a camp to Chokchai Farms which is about a 250km trip from where I live. Me and the missus aren't allowing her to go. To put it simply, we don't trust the bus drivers. Paranoid? I think we're being realistic. She's the only one in the class not going. Plenty of tears at home which made me feel guilty but I've got to be strong on this one. I've promised her a trip with us in the school holidays to the beach as compensation which seems tohave done the trick. All her friends want to know why she isn't going. The teacher's asked why she isn't going. We told the truth. Her home room teacher assured us it would be ok. Now I couldn't say anything of course but this is the same teacher who, one afternoon when I picked my daughter up from school, obliviously pulled out straight in front of a songtaew on her motorcycle causing the songtaew to hit the brakes and all the passengers to fall over. This is the same teacher who, after instructing my daughter and her 2 pals to be at school at 8am on a Saturday to practise for a show, turned up at 10am leaving 3 (at the time) 9 year old girls alone in an empty school for 2 hours. I went ballistic over that one. Teacher acted snotty due to loss of face (like I gave a fuck. irresponsible bitch).

    I hope one day when she's older my daughter will see the benefit of responsibility. It's just at the moment it's so damn hard telling a 10 year old she can't do stuff. She already knows she's not having a motorcycle. Luckily her older cousins (who she worships) aren't allowed one either so that's not too bad.


    Any thoughts?
    It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no Interior Minister of Thailand's son.

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    Senior Member Array russellsimpson's Avatar
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    Re: Peer Group Pressure

    Completely agree with your concerns and decision Columbia.

    I probably would have said 'she wasn't up for the trip' and left it at that.

    Get to avoid the "face" nonsense that way.
    When being run out of town, get in front of the crowd and make it appear like a parade.

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    Re: Peer Group Pressure

    i would have considered driving her and picking her up (assuming the op's only objection is traffic safety).

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    Re: Peer Group Pressure

    ^ I thought about that but unfortunately it's a busy day for both me and my wife and it's quite a long trip.

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    Re: Peer Group Pressure

    it is also very important to your daughter. clear your schedule. approach a friend to drive. or even purchase the service (or carpool with others of like mind). i wouldnt deny the kid what is really the iceing of thai education for the want of a bit of sacrifice or flexible problem solving.

    send her, man. why not?

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    Re: Peer Group Pressure

    Quote Originally Posted by russellsimpson
    Completely agree with your concerns and decision Columbia.

    I probably would have said 'she wasn't up for the trip' and left it at that.

    Get to avoid the "face" nonsense that way.
    Cheers russ. Sometimes I think i'm being paraniod and "mollycoddling" but when I see the evidence around me about the complete lack of responsiblity for one's actions in so many aspects of Thai life I think "Fuck that Col. You and the missus are right and fuck the rest of them."

    Last year one of the P1 kids at her school was ran over and killed on the school grounds by an ice delivery truck. Guy came into the playground at speed and ploughed straight into the kid. Dead on the spot. No license, no insurance and the vehicle was a death trap. Guy was hungover to boot.
    If it had been my daughter I'd have killed the shit and screw the consequences.
    -----
    Quote Originally Posted by maunderer
    it is also very important to your daughter. clear your schedule. approach a friend to drive. or even purchase the service (or carpool with others of like mind). i wouldnt deny the kid what is really the iceing of thai education for the want of a bit of sacrifice or flexible problem solving.

    send her, man. why not?

    You've given me food for thought mate. Looks like I'm taking the day off on Tuesday!
    Last edited by columbia; 17th February 2008 at 08:20. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

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    Re: Peer Group Pressure

    first child? second or even third kids have less fearful parents. it is a natural desensitization. imo.
    -----
    Quote Originally Posted by columbia
    Looks like I'm taking the day off on Tuesday!
    coool. bet the look on her face alone will be reward enough. good for you and nice parenting!
    Last edited by maunderer; 17th February 2008 at 08:30. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

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    Re: Peer Group Pressure

    Only child. Natural desentization? Maybe but even if I live in LOS until the day I die I'll still carry my western values of responsiblity with me. My wifes the same. Maybe due to being educated abroad. Thais educated abroad certainly bring back a different outlook on things.

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    Senior Member Array russellsimpson's Avatar
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    Re: Peer Group Pressure

    Good move. Good suggestion maunderer. Yup that's the thing to do.

    In terms of the overall safety concerns I've often found myself in "sort of' similar situation and two aspects of Asian culture come to remind. Those being:

    the idea that everything is predestined.
    the general collective understanding that life is cheap.

    These ideas are pervasive in determining their behaviour and more often than not to the idea that "nobody is taking individual responsibility", a recipe for disaster. So, your quite right to show the utmost concern.

    And enjoy the trip!

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    Re: Peer Group Pressure

    i agree with what your doing columbia but the over riding problem is you don't trust the school. If you're not happy with her teacher, i would change school. A 10 year old asking for a motorbike isa concern though. You have to be tough now and she'll learn in time. Is the school full of rich thais? have a hunt around for a better more down to earth school

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    Re: Peer Group Pressure

    Quote Originally Posted by columbia
    This is the same teacher who, after instructing my daughter and her 2 pals to be at school at 8am on a Saturday to practise for a show, turned up at 10am leaving 3 (at the time) 9 year old girls alone in an empty school for 2 hours. I went ballistic over that one. Teacher acted snotty due to loss of face (like I gave a fuck. irresponsible bitch).
    ?
    Off topic but I've often wondered when I'm in a hurry and skipping through crowds to make the bus so I won't be late for some appointment: Why are Thais apparently never in a hurry? Don't they have appointments to make? Projects to complete? etc. I think the above speaks to the answer to this question. Pretty much nothing is worth hurrying/stressing over.

    OK, that's my irritable generalization for the day

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    Re: Peer Group Pressure

    Quote Originally Posted by peelieorion
    If you're not happy with her teacher, i would change school.
    why follow a minor challenge in problem solving safe transportation with a significant over reaction? relax.

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    Re: Peer Group Pressure

    Quote Originally Posted by peelieorion
    i agree with what your doing columbia but the over riding problem is you don't trust the school. If you're not happy with her teacher, i would change school. A 10 year old asking for a motorbike isa concern though. You have to be tough now and she'll learn in time. Is the school full of rich thais? have a hunt around for a better more down to earth school
    I don't think it's a matter of not trusting her particular school peelie. I think there's a general lack of responsiblity amongst a large number of the populace. Regarding the motorcycle this was a discussion for when she's at high school Although I have seen Mattayom kids picking up their youger siblings from my daughters school and riding like gibbons which makes me wonder how their parents minds function.

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    heaven or hell? Array Hamster's Avatar
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    Re: Peer Group Pressure

    I understand your concerns Columbia, I really do. It seems like it's practically every week that you hear of some preventable bus accident somewhere in Thailand. On the other hand I would guess that millions of people ride the bus in Thailand every day and only very very few of them are ever injured.

    I'm not sure I agree with your decision. Field trips and other school events are a natural part of a child's development. They are important for your child's socialization. Getting away from the parents is part of growing up even if just for a few days, at a young age, supervised by adults. How old will your daughter need to be before you believe a bus ride will be safe?

    If you don't feel comfortable then don't let her go this time. But what about the next, and the next, and the one after that? Eventually you are going to have to let go. It is ultimately and absolutely your decision how to raise your child. In the end you should do whatever you believe is right and it doesn't matter what I or others think.
    Last edited by Hamster; 17th February 2008 at 09:43.
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    Re: Peer Group Pressure

    Quote Originally Posted by maunderer
    why follow a minor challenge in problem solving safe transportation with a significant over reaction? relax.
    I was concerned about the other examples sited in the O.P post about a kid dying in the school, the teacher who turned up 2 hours late for a Saturday appointment and the near accident. Many teachers here do not provide adequate supervision in school. this school sounds like one of them. as regards the trip, Its the parents choice i guess. Its tricky here to ge the balance right with risk assessment.

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