Thread: Move Back to Raise my Daughter in LOS?

Hello everyone. I don't post much here, but read all the threads on a daily basis for about 4-5 years now. I started a thread maybe a year or 2 ago about raising my daughter in the West or in Thailand. We were living in Thailand at the time. But I moved the family to the States when she was one. Now we have all been here for about 1.5 years and my wife just cannot find happiness. My daughter is turning into the "no respect American child." I am coming to a major crossroad and seriously considering moving back to LOS. One of the main reasons we left was because of financial and educational opportunities in the States. But we have lost most of the happiness we had in LOS.

Has anyone gone through the same thing? Moving to and from the West for your children? What do you think? Another reason we moved back was because my business was not doing to well and I didn't try out teaching as suggested by many. I was a corporate trainer in the states and do enjoy teaching, but it just wasn't the career path I wanted to choose at the time, I was more focused on my business. My wife comes from a somewhat hi-so family, but we do not want her financial help. She did give us a small condo, but that is as far as we want her financial help. So that was the other thing. Because in Thailand, when your financially down, your down. So I am considering moving us back to save the marriage and see the true happiness in my wife and daughter's eyes again. When we go back on vacation every 6 months or so, they are both super happy and cry way too much at the airport when we go back.

We lived 1 year in the suburbs and now moved downtown to the Asian area where all the Thai restaurants and stores are. But it hasn't helped much. She does not know why she is not happy. We have a relatively decent standard of living but we don't have much savings to fall back on yet. We still operate a small business which brings about $1000 a month from some products from Thailand. But I would need to get a job when I go back to have enough money to live relatively good. But I just want some advice about if anyone has had more luck moving back or what they have experienced.

Any insight, suggestions, ideas, advice or feedback would be great from those who have experienced similar issues.

You and your wife should have the biggest influence on your child, regardless of whether you live in the States, Thailand or out on the steppes of Outer Mongolia. Sorry mate, I don't buy that 'no respect American child' guff. Your kid is what, two-and-a-half? When she is older you may have a valid whinge, but at two-and-a-half, no, I don't think so. Toddlers get cranky, end of story. Don't blame the States for that.

As for the rest, if you can swing it, go on back to Thailand. You sound like you are rationalising a whole lot (natural, 'cos everyone needs at least two or three juicy rationalisations a week, eh?).

If you are considering the teacher route get your qualifications sorted. If you can, get state teacher certification so you may have a better chance at higher paying positions. That will also help when it comes time for the immigration stuff.

Good luck.

Originally Posted by canyonklein

When we go back on vacation every 6 months or so, they are both super happy and cry way too much at the airport when we go back.

It sounds like they're happier and don't want to live home (Thailand). So, the answer is very clear to me.

My wife and I are somewhat happy living back in the USA, i think she would be happiest in thailand, i am happy either way, but the most important factor is my daughter. she is so happy living here in the USA (ct), has lots of friends, great school, grandparents that are really devoted to her. Our business here is starting to pick up finally, so i think we are going to be even happier and more secure in the future. my wife and i work together, and its tough sometimes, just have to have a laugh and pull thru it. i just look at how happy my daughter is and makes me feel confident we did the right thing.
Good luck and make sure everyone is on the same page when you make a decision.

Originally Posted by happynz

You and your wife should have the biggest influence on your child, regardless of whether you live in the States, Thailand or out on the steppes of Outer Mongolia.

Agree with that.

My wife and 5 year old son moved to Australia in the beginning of the year. He loves it but misses some of his friends back in Thialand. My wife is having a harder time adjusting and has a melt down of culture shock every month or so. Each time I remind her why we moved here, for a better education for our son and for me to retrain cheaply as a teacher so that our life back in Thailand later can be a good one. She accepts that she has to sacrifice her desire to live in Thailand over our future as a family.

Nobody can make this desicion but you and your wife.
Remember that culture shock is an ongoing process and doesn't end, it just quietens down.

sounds like she has to man up mate

has she tried integrating or is she just not interested
figure out the Thai for you get out what you put in

with a girl its easier than with a boy but unless you are minted you know it is better in the long term for your daughter to be in the states, still 2.5 is nothing so i dont buy into the attitude problem, at 2.5 you could go back to thailand for another 5 years but you'll face all this agin then

Originally Posted by reinvented

sounds like she has to man up mate
has she tried integrating or is she just not interested
figure out the Thai for you get out what you put in

Yep, that's about the gist of it mate.

Originally Posted by Umbuku

Remember that culture shock is an ongoing process and doesn't end, it just quietens down.

It's like herpes for me, ever-present and likely to recur at any moment

Originally Posted by stfranalum

so, wrap it up and git on wif it!

Aye. My prophylactic of choice is hanging with just the family / other westerners most of the time, and stubbornly refusing to adhere to the more ridiculous cultural mores.

ETA till my next major meltdown - 3 months