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Thread: Move Back to Raise my Daughter in LOS?

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    New Member Array canyonklein's Avatar
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    Move Back to Raise my Daughter in LOS?

    Hello everyone. I don't post much here, but read all the threads on a daily basis for about 4-5 years now. I started a thread maybe a year or 2 ago about raising my daughter in the West or in Thailand. We were living in Thailand at the time. But I moved the family to the States when she was one. Now we have all been here for about 1.5 years and my wife just cannot find happiness. My daughter is turning into the "no respect American child." I am coming to a major crossroad and seriously considering moving back to LOS. One of the main reasons we left was because of financial and educational opportunities in the States. But we have lost most of the happiness we had in LOS.

    Has anyone gone through the same thing? Moving to and from the West for your children? What do you think? Another reason we moved back was because my business was not doing to well and I didn't try out teaching as suggested by many. I was a corporate trainer in the states and do enjoy teaching, but it just wasn't the career path I wanted to choose at the time, I was more focused on my business. My wife comes from a somewhat hi-so family, but we do not want her financial help. She did give us a small condo, but that is as far as we want her financial help. So that was the other thing. Because in Thailand, when your financially down, your down. So I am considering moving us back to save the marriage and see the true happiness in my wife and daughter's eyes again. When we go back on vacation every 6 months or so, they are both super happy and cry way too much at the airport when we go back.

    We lived 1 year in the suburbs and now moved downtown to the Asian area where all the Thai restaurants and stores are. But it hasn't helped much. She does not know why she is not happy. We have a relatively decent standard of living but we don't have much savings to fall back on yet. We still operate a small business which brings about $1000 a month from some products from Thailand. But I would need to get a job when I go back to have enough money to live relatively good. But I just want some advice about if anyone has had more luck moving back or what they have experienced.

    Any insight, suggestions, ideas, advice or feedback would be great from those who have experienced similar issues.
    The goal of travel should not be a destination, but to transcend through inspired travel the attachments and habits of inattention that restrict awareness of a larger reality.

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    Established User Array irishntg's Avatar
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    Re: Move Back to Raise my Daughter in LOS?

    Hey Canyon just of of curiosity what city are ye living in right now???

    Also we moved back to Boston at the start of this year my daughter loves prefers it to being in Bangkok, as for my wife well she loves it in Boston has a very good job in a nice Hospital and we are enjoying our life, so as for for situation dude i guess you need to weigh up all the options!!!

    Irish.....

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    acostumbrado equivocado Array happynz's Avatar
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    Re: Move Back to Raise my Daughter in LOS?

    You and your wife should have the biggest influence on your child, regardless of whether you live in the States, Thailand or out on the steppes of Outer Mongolia. Sorry mate, I don't buy that 'no respect American child' guff. Your kid is what, two-and-a-half? When she is older you may have a valid whinge, but at two-and-a-half, no, I don't think so. Toddlers get cranky, end of story. Don't blame the States for that.

    As for the rest, if you can swing it, go on back to Thailand. You sound like you are rationalising a whole lot (natural, 'cos everyone needs at least two or three juicy rationalisations a week, eh?).

    If you are considering the teacher route get your qualifications sorted. If you can, get state teacher certification so you may have a better chance at higher paying positions. That will also help when it comes time for the immigration stuff.

    Good luck.

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    หนุ่มต่างแดน Array i1der's Avatar
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    Re: Move Back to Raise my Daughter in LOS?

    Quote Originally Posted by canyonklein View Post
    When we go back on vacation every 6 months or so, they are both super happy and cry way too much at the airport when we go back.
    It sounds like they're happier and don't want to live home (Thailand). So, the answer is very clear to me.
    ลาน้องก่อน พี่จนถึงต้องจำจาก, ถึงแม้พี่จะหลงรัก ฐานะพาพราก ต้องจากจอมใจ
    ถ้าหากมั่งมี แล้วพี่จะคืนมาใหม่, ไม่ว่าจะอยู่แห่งไหน จะนานเท่าไร ยังไม่ลืมบาง...

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    Members Only Array Aquaman's Avatar
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    Re: Move Back to Raise my Daughter in LOS?

    My wife and I are somewhat happy living back in the USA, i think she would be happiest in thailand, i am happy either way, but the most important factor is my daughter. she is so happy living here in the USA (ct), has lots of friends, great school, grandparents that are really devoted to her. Our business here is starting to pick up finally, so i think we are going to be even happier and more secure in the future. my wife and i work together, and its tough sometimes, just have to have a laugh and pull thru it. i just look at how happy my daughter is and makes me feel confident we did the right thing.
    Good luck and make sure everyone is on the same page when you make a decision.
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    Non Sibi Sed Omnibus Array Umbuku's Avatar
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    Re: Move Back to Raise my Daughter in LOS?

    Quote Originally Posted by happynz View Post
    You and your wife should have the biggest influence on your child, regardless of whether you live in the States, Thailand or out on the steppes of Outer Mongolia.
    Agree with that.

    My wife and 5 year old son moved to Australia in the beginning of the year. He loves it but misses some of his friends back in Thialand. My wife is having a harder time adjusting and has a melt down of culture shock every month or so. Each time I remind her why we moved here, for a better education for our son and for me to retrain cheaply as a teacher so that our life back in Thailand later can be a good one. She accepts that she has to sacrifice her desire to live in Thailand over our future as a family.

    Nobody can make this desicion but you and your wife.
    Remember that culture shock is an ongoing process and doesn't end, it just quietens down.
    Faith, by itself, isn't a good enough reason to believe. Instead, a belief must be defensible through reason, logic, and evidence.
    The idea that faith is somehow justified by the fact that the beliefs cannot be proven is a truly Orwellian position to adopt - not to mention intellectually and ethically dangerous.

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    poltroon and blagard Array reinvented's Avatar
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    Re: Move Back to Raise my Daughter in LOS?

    sounds like she has to man up mate

    has she tried integrating or is she just not interested
    figure out the Thai for you get out what you put in

    with a girl its easier than with a boy but unless you are minted you know it is better in the long term for your daughter to be in the states, still 2.5 is nothing so i dont buy into the attitude problem, at 2.5 you could go back to thailand for another 5 years but you'll face all this agin then
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    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Array redhaze's Avatar
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    Re: Move Back to Raise my Daughter in LOS?

    Quote Originally Posted by canyonklein View Post
    My daughter is turning into the "no respect American child."
    That's due to parenting. Not location...

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    Non Sibi Sed Omnibus Array Umbuku's Avatar
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    Re: Move Back to Raise my Daughter in LOS?

    Quote Originally Posted by reinvented View Post
    sounds like she has to man up mate
    has she tried integrating or is she just not interested
    figure out the Thai for you get out what you put in
    Yep, that's about the gist of it mate.

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    Senior Member Array stfranalum's Avatar
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    Re: Move Back to Raise my Daughter in LOS?

    seems theres disconnect between father and mother with how you are both talking to your daughter...

    Quote Originally Posted by canyonklein View Post
    My daughter is turning into the "no respect American child."
    this is nonsense. she is 2.5 years old?

    looks like your wife is putting those thoughts into her head. no other reason man.

    Quote Originally Posted by happynz View Post
    Sorry mate, I don't buy that 'no respect American child' guff. Your kid is what, two-and-a-half? When she is older you may have a valid whinge, but at two-and-a-half, no, I don't think so. Toddlers get cranky, end of story. Don't blame the States for that.


    Quote Originally Posted by Aquaman View Post
    in the states...great school


    Quote Originally Posted by Umbuku View Post
    why we moved here, for a better education for our son


    Quote Originally Posted by redhaze View Post
    That's due to parenting. Not location
    and thats it really.

    im guessing its your wife- you said she isnt happy.

    theres some readjusting going on. and its your job to let her deal with that in any way she sees fit. people deal with culture shock differently. me? i slag on thais on an anonymous internet forum

    kids are happy and positive. the no respect bit is gibberish and all from your wife. no offense- either her or you.

    if she is older- say 8+ and has a bad attitude- i find that hard to believe too....but even then- say at 15 years old....kids can have a bad attitude. if that teenager is blaming america, let them have a bad attitude. they will adjust. teenage girls go through major attitude shifts in pre-post-and during puberty stages.

    you asked what we thought- IMHO- you need to sort your wife out. she needs an outlet. and not just going to thai restaurants. thats not positively integrating. looking at thailand through a fishtank lens is only showing her what shes missing. get her in a mothers group. join a church or a temple. anything that allows her to belong. thais are social creatures mate. MUCH more so than us westerners. youve gotta get her connected- in meaningful ways.

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    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Array redhaze's Avatar
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    Re: Move Back to Raise my Daughter in LOS?

    Quote Originally Posted by stfranalum View Post
    youve gotta get her connected- in meaningful ways.
    That's a good point Franny. Integrating into the local community is probably the key to any permanent move or adjustment.

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    Senior Member Array Lor Ling's Avatar
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    Re: Move Back to Raise my Daughter in LOS?

    Quote Originally Posted by Umbuku View Post
    Remember that culture shock is an ongoing process and doesn't end, it just quietens down.
    It's like herpes for me, ever-present and likely to recur at any moment
    When the great lord passes the wise peasant bows deeply and silently farts

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    Senior Member Array stfranalum's Avatar
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    Re: Move Back to Raise my Daughter in LOS?

    so, wrap it up and git on wif it!

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    Senior Member Array Lor Ling's Avatar
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    Re: Move Back to Raise my Daughter in LOS?

    Quote Originally Posted by stfranalum View Post
    so, wrap it up and git on wif it!
    Aye. My prophylactic of choice is hanging with just the family / other westerners most of the time, and stubbornly refusing to adhere to the more ridiculous cultural mores.

    ETA till my next major meltdown - 3 months

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    Senior Member Array stfranalum's Avatar
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    Re: Move Back to Raise my Daughter in LOS?

    well thats a good projection. 3 months

    youre like ghandi compared to me






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