Thread: is virginity a valued trait

I am curious to know how most men feel about whether or not thier wives were virgins when they married. Is it important or a deciding factor when choosing a spouse? I am a western woman married to a Thai man, and when we met and discussed our past sexual lives was surprised that he found mine to be promiscuous. I had exactly 3 lovers before marriage, and considered myself to be a "good girl" in comparison to most of the other women I knew. My husband, while accepting of the fact that I was not a virgin, was shaken by the fact that I had had sex with 3 men before him. Is this a typical "guy" thing? Do you all think it's important?

I don't think they mind.

Originally Posted by Bay

I am curious to know how most men feel about whether or not thier wives were virgins when they married. Is this a typical "guy" thing? Do you all think it's important?

For most Westerners, marring a virgin, or wanting or expecting to marry a virgin, is confined to a very, very, small percentage of people.

I suppose the more accurate question should be, 'how do Thai men feel about it and more importantly, how does your fiancee feel about it.

He could try to understand the cultural differences with regard to sexual relationships.

A double standard for men, who are expected and encouraged to sleep around, but then expect their wife to be a virgin.

Female virgins without any sexual experience have to deal with a husband that has sexual experience. It is then, when the differences in sexual issues can occur.

In sum: this is a cultural issue more than a sexual one.

Yes, I agree it is more of a cultural issue than a sexual one. Given my multi-cultural background (native Canadian... Cree) growing up in a mainly Euro-centric society, I am no stranger to cultural differences, but have found "sexual double standards" to be prevalent in Native Canadian, European, and Asian culture. I will not presume that I am in a position to change century old ideals, and simply wonder why they exist and prevail. The issue of child-bearing is obviously at the root of it, but the introduction of birth-control did little to change the stereotypes of women who sleep around vs men who do the same. At the end of the day, I do regret that I was not a virgin when I married, and whether or not that is a result of social conditioning remains uncertain to me.

I have the feeling that it's not so much an issue of control as it is of possession... that to be the one and only who has "been" with someone is to possess them. That it is patriarchal is without doubt. I don't expect or hope for any definitive answer or explanation as to why differences between the sexes are what they are, and in saying that, I am very happy, if at sometimes frustrated, to be a woman. Wouldn't wish for a different life than the one I have now!!
On a lighter note, am starving, don't want to order pizza, and have only potatos, onions, tomatos and a can of tuna in stock.... any ideas?

I'd marry anything, as long as she isn't a man or a troll.

Guys who want virgins are worried she'll know enough about knobs to recognise a mini cooper when she sees one. The right amount of sexual experience for a girl just happens to be the right amount, not too much - not too little, IMO. Seems like if a girl becomes a full-on woman and lives a never-known-knob exicstance, she'll be somewhat akward in the head and selfish in the bed .. don't want one of those! If she's had butterfly tendancies I can assume it'd be easy or even natural for her to resume flight, on short notice .. don't want one of those! I like a girl with the right amount of experience and a young touchable frame .. I want one of those!

No mayo, salad dressing, cheese or bread... ended up boiling and mashing the potatos, and frying them up with the tuna and onion... mmm.. yummy! (saving the tomatos for an emergency!!!)

Tomatoes, like virgins, eventually go off. Surely you are better to eat the fruit while it is tastiest. No?

Over the past few years I've developed one of my only relationship "rules" that I stick to: never f*** with a virgin. Unless they're 16 or really ugly, they've most likely, IME, have some serious issues regarding intimacy and relationships. This goes especially for those who are saving it for marriage out of "religious" reasons. Those ones I doubly avoid. Intimacy issues and other related trouble spots have a way of cropping up in non-intimate situations and messing everything up.

Also, virgins seem to form attachments very easily to those who take their maidenhead. That doesn't really fit my current lifestyle. Maybe I'm in the small minority of guys who don't want virgins, but I stay away as much as I can! I really think these issues apply to both sexes though, whether you're a girl dealing with a male virgin, or guy dealing with a girl.

(the lack of sexual experience also sometimes makes for less than pleasurable experiences in the bedroom)