Thread: A Guide For The Newly Arrived

Seeing as when I hit LOS I didn't know my arse from a hole in the ground I thought it would be nice for us to offer some invaluable advice to newcomers to help them adjust.



1. If you take the expressway in a taxi for the convenience of westerners there are drive-through fast food booths every few kilometres. Simply give the driver 40 baht and then when you arrive at the next window your food will be waiting for you.


2. Think those people standing at busy road junctions are traffic police? Think again. In reality they're aspiring B-Boys with a uniform fetish. If you want to battle them why not walk up to them at 5pm and show them your best moves.


3. Taxis are subsidised by the government. That's right. You don't have to pay! At the end of your journey just get out and walk away. As a token of appreciation you could use the polite phrase "Yet Mere Baanok" to show your thanks.


4. For a real taste of how Thailand used to be 100 years ago visit Thanon Sukumvit. The quiet tranquility is a welcome break from the hustle and bustle of city life.


5. For those craving a taste of western food in the comfort of your hotel room the telephone number for Pizza Company delivery is 191. The Thai phrase for "May I order a pizza?" is "Ai kwai" Remember that Thai is a tonal language so this should be shouted at full volume. Don't forget to give them your address!


6. If you should decide to work for AUA as an intro to teaching the cheapest accommodation near the school is at the 4 Seasons at the top of Rajadamri road. Suites start at an amazingly cheap 150 baht per night or 3000 baht per month and the minibar is complimentary. Unfortunately they don't accept cash so give them your credit card number when you check in. It's a simple as that.



Any more?

Originally Posted by columbia

6. If you should decide to work for AUA as an intro to teaching the cheapest accommodation near the school is at the 4 Seasons at the top of Rajadamri road. Suites start at an amazingly cheap 150 baht per night or 3000 baht per month and the minibar is complimentary. Unfortunately they don't accept cash so give them your credit card number when you check in. It's a simple as that.

That is a deal that has stayed great Col. It was only 20 baht cheaper per night and 200 per month way back in 88 when I was working there.

Thanks for giving the newbs a hand.

I don't know how they do it for the money mate. I truly don't.




For party people heading to Bangers there's a treat in store. MC Sondhi and The PAD Posse are having it large at a massive sound system rave in town. Just follow the traffic jams and riot police and you'll soon find it.

Make it quick though. Rival gang DJ Samak featuring Cutmaster Chalerm from the Total Kunt Krew on the Wheels of Steel could be closing it down soon by citing some law that they just made up on the spot because,well, they're the government and they do what the fuck they like right?

The current hottest dancefloor killer is the Derek DaLarge remix of "Samak Ao Bai!" Blow your whistle, wave your glowstick, trip on some 'shrooms (which are legal in LOS by the way), shout this anthem and dance your tits off in front of the cops and it'll be just like '92 again. No, not Ibiza. Thammasat.

Originally Posted by columbia

For party people heading to Bangers there's a treat in store. MC Sondhi and The PAD Posse are having it large at a massive sound system rave in town. Just follow the traffic jams and riot police and you'll soon find it.

Make it quick though. Rival gang DJ Samak featuring Cutmaster Chalerm from the Total Kunt Krew on the Wheels of Steel could be closing it down soon by citing some law that they just made up on the spot because,well, they're the government and they do what the fuck they like right?

The current hottest dancefloor killer is the Derek DaLarge remix of "Samak Ao Bai!" Blow your whistle, wave your glowstick, trip on some 'shrooms (which are legal in LOS by the way), shout this anthem and dance your tits off in front of the cops and it'll be just like '92 again. No, not Ibiza. Thammasat.

The tallest of the Thai girls is the much prized and desired katoey.
If you find yourself walking down KSR holding their (fucking big) hand, then consider yourself very lucky. Rest assured that the sniggers and gawping expressions on the faces of the Thai men are merely an indication of their envy. It's Thai culchurrrrrr!
Get stuck in lad, oh, and try to ignore the stubble, plastic tits, Adam's apple and lack of a cunt.

Size 9? Are you a fucking scouse Oompah Loompah?

"

As the dominant culture on the planet, it is imperative that we maintain our status in the eyes of the Thai people. They respect authority and will be in quiet awe of you as you stride through bars and temples alike treating the people with the contempt they deserve. There is no need to bathe or dress up, and saying please, thank you or 'khup' when you want something is strictly for tourists.

Remember to grope any girl you see and never stoop so low as to give tips or spending money as this will only infuriate the girls who are quite proud of their ability to live on 5000 baht per month.