...a recent sampling as published on CNN:
A physicist is bending down, at night, searching for something beneath a lamp post.A guy walks up to him and says "what are you looking for?
Physicist: A Higgs particle.
Guy: Where did you see this Higgs particle last?
Physicist: I've never seen one. Nobody has.
Guy: Then why are you looking under the lamp post?
Physicist: That's where the light is.
From @pourmecoffee: "Higgs Boson Explainer: It's like, a particle, man."
@edyong209 tweets: "A Higgs boson walks into a bar. The barman doesn't understand."
"Re: CERN, some ppl say it's silly to put so much money in something few people understand. Presumably those ppl also avoid banks."
@scullymike tweets: "There's an easy-to-understand video online that explains Higgs boson & creation of the universe, but it's like four minutes long. Pass."
@neiltyson: "The Higgs discovery makes me feel heavier already."
@sciencecomedian: "The Higgs Boson walks into a Catholic Church. Priest says "What are you doing here?" HB says "You can't have mass without me."
@afrakt: McDonald's to offer 1800 caolorie Higgs McBoson. Blames physics for obestity epidemic."
And "Republicans rail against the Higgs boson as the largest taxing of Americans' brains in history."
...majestically enthroned amid the vulgar herd...
We could all sit outside on banana lounges discussing the best way to rebuild a 4WD transmission and agree, through shared stories of conquests supporting our assertions, that there is no basis to the proposition that those least assured of their persuasions are the first to condemn others for theirs.
This is more poetic than funny.Originally Posted by tomcat
Shit, I thought it was Cujo!
how many higgs bosons does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
fred
lots...they do it en masse...
---Update---
What did Sam Jackson say to the Higgs Boson?
"You really want to save the planet?...the next time you see a hybrid car with a childseat... smash the window, remove the childseat and replace it with a box of condoms..." Doug Stanhope
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There are few problems in life that cannot be solved with toast.
One of them, however, is opening a can of corned beef with that stupid key. This cannot easily be done at the best of times, and toast is of surprisingly little use in resolving the issue.
i was higgs-boson when higss-boson wasn't cool
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