Okay, this should have legs.
What rules have you learned to live by in Thailand?
Funny, imaginative, or just plain survival.
Shall I start? Yes. Yes I shall.
Never eat anything you can't recognise.
Look both ways before getting out of bed.
Don't buy a drink for anyone who asks for one. (Possible exceptions may be Tiger Beer promo girls.)
If she "lubs you" after the first few meetings she wants money.
Don't buy brands you never heard of in the West. (Soken, iMobile, spring to mind.)
Don't get into a car driven by a Thai you've never driven with before. (There's a logic problem there, but let's let it slide, shall we?)
What are some of yours?
Take me down to the paranormal city where the girls are green and they have three titties...
Oh, won't you please take me home?
Don't have anything to do with Thai people.
Definitely don't listen to them.
Guy Manpoof sux nuts for $$.
Tomcat trained. Satisfaction guaranteed.
Actually, I'm pleased with iMobile and Soken products.
Samsung is quirky as hell. So, of couse, I'm using one of their phones now.
When in doubt about anything, let someone else be first.
Never "pay now."
Never accept a drink you haven't opened yourself. An exceptions are a bar or restaurant where you have witnesses and hopefully a dining companion.
Casual dress is one thing. Don't over do it, especially if you're using public transporation.
Be outrageously cautious about doing anything disrespectul towards the nation, the monarchy, or the religion.
Learn to read enough Thai to not be completely helpless.
Don't be loud, confrontational, an asshole, etc.
Have absolutely nothing to do with illegal drugs.
A lot of it is common sense for any country. Some is Siam specific.
There will come a day when you need help and people will have no reason to do so other than they like your &/or respect you. Bear that in mind day to day.
Stay out of Pattaya. Its a bad place.
Don't ring the bell. you can't afford it,and if your thinking about it go home; you've had enuff.
200 baht is a fair 'gift' for not wearing a helmet.
Don't let them know you understand them.
Never ever under any circumstances try to high roll in a buffalo herd
Look both ways before stepping off the kerb.
Always have at least one 50 Satang coin and a few 1 Baht coins in your pocket when shopping at 7/11. Unless you like collecting shrapnel.
avoid other foreigners, they're usually sketchy or full of shit, and say shit like 'rock up'.
and don't 'rock' the traditional thai gear, that always looks as retarded as a same same but different shirt.
Oh! Hang on! ... that's a Western view! Do the ethnics think we look dorky in ethnic gear? Probably not. They probably feel chuffed and flattered.
Bottom line ... don't wear ethnic gear around other Westerners ... or they'll tease you.
As for rules - it is always worth looking both ways when turning onto a one way street. It is just safer that way.
Learn the fact that Thailand is all about relationships. Learn that and use it. Every Thai is governed by relationships, you will be excluded if you don't include yourself (and remember you will never get full inclusion).
Speak Thai. It just helps on so many different levels that i can't even list them all.
Sometimes the buffalo IS sick. You just have to work out when it is the actual sickness and when you are being taken for a ride.
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Accept that much of the culture is psychotic and nothing you can do will ever change a single thing about it, not even in micro-scale.
Life is cheap, look out for yourself, no one else is.
Whatever you know about common sense rules of the road while driving; forget it. Keep your head on a swivel.
Never look into the kitchen, never.
"While Jim is milking the Russian Boar, I'm in the shade of a Baobab tree being served a cool drink by a beautiful young indigenous girl. "
Aloha - Aloha HARD