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About LinkBacksIf the plural of louse is lice, and the plural of mouse is mice, why not the plural of spouse be spice??Originally Posted by re_fuse
If the plural of louse is lice, and the plural of mouse is mice, why not the plural of spouse be spice??
Apparently it is. Just ask Jimbo...
Look at them yo-yos
That's the way ya TEFL
You play the hang-man in a sweet EP
No, that ain't workin'
That's the way ya TEFL
Get your Thai baht for nothin' and your giks for free...
Go on don't wreak a good thread tell a joke
Why do elephants drink?
To forget.
Why do elephants drink beer?
It's hard to find good whiskey in the jungle.
Why do elephants drink Beer Chang?
'Cos Leo's for pussies.
Look at them yo-yos
That's the way ya TEFL
You play the hang-man in a sweet EP
No, that ain't workin'
That's the way ya TEFL
Get your Thai baht for nothin' and your giks for free...
get thee out of this room billy
The first original jokes on the whole thread and I'm kicked out!
Look at them yo-yos
That's the way ya TEFL
You play the hang-man in a sweet EP
No, that ain't workin'
That's the way ya TEFL
Get your Thai baht for nothin' and your giks for free...
I would if I could. Guess I'm the only joke I know.
One for the 'Britons' on here...
What does a man with two left feet wear?
Flip-flips!
(Think about it.)
Look at them yo-yos
That's the way ya TEFL
You play the hang-man in a sweet EP
No, that ain't workin'
That's the way ya TEFL
Get your Thai baht for nothin' and your giks for free...
william. i'll give you a green if you fuck off
well ...my intentions were goodYou must spread some Reputation around before giving it to WilliamBlake again.
Last edited by LoveBucket; 9th July 2009 at 00:55. Reason: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to WilliamBlake again.
Ok Another one for the Brits.
What's the difference between a highwire walker doing card tricks and juggling all at once and Anglelina (Brad's Mrs).
One's a cunning stunt...
hmmm.. I don't understand the connection to the embedded quote. I don't understand the joke and I don't understand what it's doing in a thread called "The Best Jokes" ... I guess that makes the whole thing funny in way!
PS .. Rocksteady ..re your "Rocksteady is a few vegetables short of a full somtam" thing .. seeing as somtam is made from fruit .. you really do have problems!
Thanks. Most appreciated
hmmm.. I don't understand the connection to the embedded quote. I don't understand the joke and I don't understand what it's doing in a thread called "The Best Jokes" ... I guess that makes the whole thing funny in way!
PS .. Rocksteady ..re your "Rocksteady is a few vegetables short of a full somtam" thing .. seeing as somtam is made from fruit .. you really do have problems!
Kwai, me old china, you may want to check out somtam - it does consist of a little more than papya...
Last edited by Rocksteady; 9th July 2009 at 16:32. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
******************************************
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started...
******************************************
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible..."
My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And then the fight started...
******************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So,there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it...he was a DWARF!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started...
*****************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
******************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...so I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...
******************************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You
might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
******************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
******************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
******************************************
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near
perfect.'
And then the fight started...
Great first post.
A bloke spends the night with a female jockey. In the morning she says come to the races and I'll give you signals as I leave the mounting yard for what to back.
Race 2 - she rubbed both boobs, so he backed Two Abreast and it won.
Race 4 - she put her fingers round her eyes, so he backed Eyeliner. It won.
Race 6 - she stood up in her stirrups and rubbed her fanny. So he did not have a bet.
After the races he thanked her for the winners in races 2 and 4. She said, "what about Itchy Mickey in the 6th?" He said, "oh shit, I thought you were telling me the cunt's scratched!"
I've never seen a president - I don't care who he is - stand up to them (the Israelis). It just boggles your mind. They always get what they want ... If the American people understood what grip those people have on our government, they would rise up in arms.
Admiral Thomas H. Moorer, Former Chief of Naval Operations, and Chairman, Joint Chiefs of Staff, quoted in Andrew Hurley's book, One Nation Under Israel
The Hair Cut....
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Republican Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop...
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Republican Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
Mom & Dad decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon
"quickie" with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out
on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot" he shouted.
A few moments passed.
"An ambulance just drove by"
A few moments later,
"Looks like the Anderson's have company" he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike....."
"The Coopers are having sex!!"
Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed!!!
Dad cautiously asked, "How do you know they are having sex??"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing out on his balcony with a Popsicle too."
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